Odd title, huh? I’m sure you’re thinking “She must be crying out in sheer gratitude and excitement and just worded the title strangely.” Um…no. That’s part of it but not at all its totality. This “Cry” that I’m referencing is of slight panic. We so often read of the miracles God has performed in the bible and even amongst friends and other bloggers but I have yet to see a blog that addresses the question “What do I do AFTER God has physically healed me?”
What do I mean by this?
Well, when someone is praying constantly for God to heal them and then He does, I think we forget to pray for healing not just for our bodies but for the emotional trauma that comes with any form of sickness. We get so focused on wanting the tangible healing, the “Doctor Reported” healing, that once that is received, through God’s grace and love of course, we come out with a FULLY HEALED BODY and a FULLY SICK HEART and MENTALITY.
There is a whirlwind of emotions, doubts, “what-if’s,” joy, undeniable pain and a series of revelations of God’s provision, promises and love. There is also a state of mourning you go through for the mere fact that your life has not turned out the way you planned and it’s now fully out of your control. You mourn your dreams. You mourn for your health. You mourn for your life. You even mourn for those who have so thoughtfully chosen to walk through such a tragic event alongside you. And through all of this, when God has decided to heal you, you find yourself still mourning a new, living thing…YOUR NEW LIFE.
You have been blessed with a healed, restored, miracle of a life and you can’t enjoy it or even to begin to enjoy it because you are still thinking “My God, I almost died.” Instead of “My God, I almost died and you saved me.” You find yourself stuck on death as opposed to focused on your new life.
So, how do you begin to live again when you thought you would surely die?
Honestly? The hell if I know! Lol…ok, no, but seriously, this has been a blind walk of faith. Some days I question God’s reasoning as to why He decided to heal ME and not so many others. Why He loved…loves me enough to not let me suffer. Why would He give such an imperfect person a new life, new promises, new dreams only to continue to screw up and make mistakes? Why me, Lord? Why me?
There is such a burden that comes with healing that people don’t tell you about. I have searched and I have not seen, though I could’ve overlooked it, anything in the bible that addresses the Post-Healing difficulties. Nothing about the Lepers, the Woman with the issue of blood, Lazarus, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there is a terrific freedom that is planted in your soul the instant you hear you’re 100% healthy but you must also carry the weight of the TESTIMONY. Knowing your story is unique to you and one day you will have to share it (because God doesn’t do things like that for you to keep secret) and it’s not for you to gain anything but it is solely to proclaim God’s glory. The weight of knowing your life will NEVER be the same, though in all honesty, it was extremely unhealthy in the past. The weight of the fear of nay-sayers. The weight of the fear of God acting as a MAN. That He will forget or renege His healing you and you will be left to explain the unexplainable and suffer your reality bitterly.
What I have learned to do when these thoughts creep, whisper or shout in my mind, I declare over and over again,
“God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that HE SHOULD CHANGE HIS MIND. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”
God has been so faithful to consistently and constantly confirm the great miracle He’s done in my life that even when I begin to doubt or become fearful, I don’t feel judged and He continues to be patient with me. He knows my heart and that I want to believe in Him and his Word with all that I am. So, whatever you may be believing for. What ever area of your life you are crying out to God to heal, whether body or heart, remember His Word and stand on it with everything you can muster. Pray for God to heal your body as well as restore your mind and heart. Pray that the Lord will restore your joy and teach you how to walk in your new, unfamiliar, slightly tight but amazingly fashionable shoes. Take in the new car smell, because I’m sure it will be used in some form of ministry, let your hair down and begin to LIVE with your eyes and heart wide open to all of your new, beautiful possibilities.
: )
